


The Bird Within the Cage

by mimzy630



Category: Remember11
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimzy630/pseuds/mimzy630
Summary: A lonely bird in a Leiblich cage, who oh who is she?
Relationships: Yukidoh Satoru & Yukidoh Sayaka
Kudos: 3





	The Bird Within the Cage

My vision is pitch-black. The small hands of my brother cover my eyes as his voice calls out in his signature sing-song tone, “who’s that behi-nd you?” I smile in response, prying his hands off my face and calling, “Sayaka says it’s onii-chan!”

My brother Satoru and I had always had a secret language. This game, specifically, was generally how he’d test what personality I had at the time- but since I got taken here, we’ve used it for many, many other things.

Even before they donated us to scientific testing, we knew we couldn’t trust mom and dad. Because we couldn’t trust mom and dad, we learned to speak in code. We’d use the Kagome song as our base, and pretend to be talking about it. We were the birds in the cage, trying to get out. But... We never thought we would. We used it because the Kagome song has a sad ending- because there is no hope to be found there. And yet, the adults around us would only hear the innocent songs of playing kids...

It worked for a while. With Kagome as our shield, we talked about many things. The crane (doctors with their long instruments) and turtle (scientists with lab coats that went up their necks) seemed to slip and fall a lot, but they continued trying... Mostly on me. I think Satoru was what they called the ‘control’ specimen- untouched by their experiments, they would measure the difference between the two of us... All because we were twins... Twin birds, locked in a cage, one a cage of the home, the other the cage of a lab.

Their experiments were strange, but... But when Satoru came to visit, I didn’t want to talk about that. When Satoru came over, the crane and turtle disappeared into the evening lit by dawn. But, today was different. We started discussing the final verse- the person behind me. I listen intently, trying to pick up keywords.

“You know, the final verse- ‘who’s that behi--nd you?’ can have two meanings. I think one is connected to the crane and turtle. But, the other... The other might be someone else entirely. Maybe a different animal. Maybe even a bird.” Satoru made exaggerated gestures as he spoke, mimicking the wings of a bird- probably a wagtail, since he liked to refer to us as wagtails since ‘we both have black hair-’ all to seem more kid-like. I nodded my head, doing my best to look enthralled, but my mind was on other things.

Another ally? A bird? Can it be that... Someone was finally trying to help us? I try asking a follow-up,

“A bird? Was it a baby bird? Or maybe even... One of those exotic birds you read about in novels?”

Satoru laughs for a bit before making a loud ba-cawk noise. I... Can’t help but laugh, too. Even if it was all an act, just playing like this with my brother was... Fun. But, I can see the serious glint in his eyes- the smile I saw so often, usually faked to hide the pain at my condition, was genuine this time.

“A baby white-eye! He found the cage by accident, but he didn’t get caught.”

Our new ally was a kid, then? White-eyes are yellow birds- maybe he has blonde hair- but normal ones, so he must be human, and unrelated to the experiments. What could a kid even do in this situation? Against such a powerful organization, what could one lone kid even hope to do? Still, if Satoru was excited, there must be something more. But... Mmm... How to phrase it... I tried asking again, stretching the song as far as I could. Cages have locks, so maybe...

“Are the white-eye’s talon’s long enough to fit?” I ask, almost too afraid to be hopeful, but letting a bit of it leak into my voice

Satoru frowns a little bit, thinking. My heart grows heavy-of course I shouldn’t have been hopeful. But, he nodded resolutely, making flapping gestures with his arms,

“The chick is a baby, so his talons aren’t grown... But he might know a little bit about who is behind you. After all, you can see the shadow the cage casts from the outside.”

At times like this, I regret how cryptic our code is. I try to reason it out a bit: we’re twins, so we should be able to both understand the meaning. It seems like our new ally can’t pick the lock, but might have found out a bit about the experiments? What is he, some kind of hacker? Hmm... And if we’re talking about ‘who is behind me,’ it must be that... A shadow is connected somehow. But, what is a shadow? In the first place, why is it outside? Mmm... I have a feeling this one is too tough for Kagome to handle.

I question, a little confused, “um... The shadow... have I read about it before?”

It’s his turn to look confused. He glances around my books, but frowns. It seems he can’t think of an apt metaphor. Or-maybe he doesn’t quite understand himself? I see his eyes glaze over a bit in confusion, signalling that he’s deep in thought. This is bad... In that state sometimes he goes on for hours. However, this time he grimaces and shakes his head.

Satoru opens his mouth, his words a little forced, “umm... The shadow is a shadow.”

The clock strikes 11. Our time is up. A turtle walks into the room and escorts Satoru, who gives me a little wave goodbye. I wave back, taking a breath as I prepare for the next wave of experiments. I only hope... That this bird can help.

-

Today’s experiments were really bad- since they knew I had a visit today, they figured I would stay sane as I looked forward to that. They tried all sorts of drugs, keeping me between the boundary of dream and consciousness, and seemed upset when I was the one who kept coming back. Is it one of my alters that they want to study? Why don’t they just say so? Please... Tell me why you’re doing this. After what felt like an eternity, that time finally came, and Satoru came bounding into my room, gathering me in a big hug. He grabbed my arm for our ‘secret handshake’ that he used to check my arm for needle marks and grimaced as he felt one just up my sleeve and out of sight. I gave a weary sigh, but his usually downtrodden frown didn’t greet me- it seemed he finally had something to be happy about.

“Sayaka, I was reading a book, and it had a really great Kagome interpretation! Do you wanna hear?”

He was asking if I had the presence of mind to hear about the plan. I nodded- I was tired, but my mind was somehow alert. The occasional spot in the corner of my vision was nothing compared to the hope of leaving the cage. I responded, feigning tiredness to keep the turtles off the scent. I knew they were watching... I didn’t know where the cameras were- I worried there might even be one implanted in me- but I knew they were there. One time, I faked a panic attack, and they came running despite me not making a sound, so they were there for sure.

I started with a yawn, but I didn’t lay my head on the pillow. Instead, I sat forward, shoulders indicating my intense focus, “I’m a little tired, so if I don’t respond much, that’s okay, right?”

He noticed my behavior and grinned a caring smile, returning my excited shoulders. Then, he points a finger right at my face. I give a small yelp in response, but if I focus my swimming vision on his eyes, I can tell he’s not looking at me, but somewhere behind me. I turn around, but besides some shadowy shapes leftover from the medicine, nothing. I look back at him, confused.

“Huh? I’m sleepy Satoru, don’t play games with me.” My whine is a little more genuine than I mean it. Satoru likes jumping to conclusions when I haven’t even gotten the first piece of evidence yet... Geez, just because he has a ton of time to think doesn’t mean I do. After having considered what I said, he switches to thinking stances, starting to speak a few times, then speaking. It seems he has more of an idea than last time, but certainly not a firm one. I wait patiently.

Finally, those glasses-framed eyes perk up, and he begins, “umm... Well... Have you ever dreamed about there being a monster in the dark?”

An odd question. My dreams are probably not ones he ever needs to learn about. But, I entertain him nonetheless, “yeah, sometimes. Why?”

He gets a big grin on his face and pulls in closer to me, making me lean back. What is he thinking? A bit of real fear creeps up in the back of my mind. Did they do something to him? Is he... No, no, they can’t, he’s the control, they-

“Well, what if it was real?”

His voice cuts me off. He slinks back to the foot of my bed and I stare, dumbfounded. I can’t help but glance nervously under my bed. The shadow seems to writhe in my vision, so I grab a pillow to shut off sight. It seems I wasn’t fully alert after-all. His voice turns from playful to concerned,

“Are you alright? Did the turtle slip?” Did they slip something into me? I nod slightly. His fist curls, but I soon take the pillow from my face. I have to keep it together- my life might depend on it. I gulp down my feelings and grab his hand, smiling. He looks worried for me- but I shake my head.

“It’s okay. So what if it was real?”

He stares at me for a moment, as if not believing I’m really okay. I give a thumbs up, and he reluctantly continues- but I don’t let go of his hand.

“Um... So... Basically, it’s like... Like the monster under your bed. It watches you! From your shadow. And... And... I think maybe the shadow could help us! After all, monsters have big, long teeth and talons!”

The code begs me to jump for joy, but my mind reminds me that clueless little children aren’t supposed to be excited about monsters. I stall responding for a second before I get my thoughts in order. I grab my blanket in a dramatic fashion, burrowing under it with just my eyes showing. I imagine the cold feel of the needles to get just the right quiver in my voice,

“S-s-scary! Satoru, don’t scare me like that... Will you look under the bed for me?”

I’m trying to ask him if I need to do anything, but his reaction makes me think my meaning didn’t get across. Satoru gives a wink and stands up, letting me cover my whole face with the thing blanket. He bends down to check, and then stands back up, giving the thumbs-up.

His voice full of care, he nearly shouts, “of course I can check for you! No monsters there! But... You’ll need to check when I'm not here, though.”

Just as I was thinking that Satoru was always better at the code, I guess I did pretty alright. But, I need to do something? What can I do from here? Surely not... Actually check under my bed? I shake the thought out of my bed- the monster is just a code. What I need to figure out is... How to use it. Still buried under my blanket, I hesitantly ask,

“Um... But... How are we supposed to use the talons? Won’t we get cut?”

Satoru rolls up his sleeve a little and goes to ruffle my hair. I look over to the right and see some writing on his arm. It must be something he doesn’t trust to say in code! I give him a smile as I read.

YOU NEED TO TRICK SELF INTO THINKING YOU’RE ALREADY FREE.

What...? Is that even a sentence? Before confusion creeps onto my face, I re-read the sentence. But... How can I do that? Wait, in the first case, how does what I think change anything? I stare at Satoru, but he’s just smiling. His touch feels nice and gentle, so I manage to smile back. But- the clock strikes 11. Time’s up. A turtle comes to take Satoru away, so I’m left with those words in my mind... I need to trick myself into thinking I’m already free?

...The only way I could do that is with my DID. Is that what he means? That I need to trick one of my alters? Hmm... But, what does that even have to do with the experiments? Or the shadow? Ugh... I wish we could talk plainly. As my only source of information is dragged out the door, I begin to think. How would what I think change anything? Does that mean... That someone is reading my thoughts? Or watching me? Wouldn’t I want to cry out for help, then? If an ally is watching me, I just need to tell them to come get to me.

...But hold on, I don’t even know where I am. Can I really do that? And in the first place, if someone is watching me, wouldn’t they know I need saving? ...Ugh, this really doesn’t make sense. I guess I should do what Satoru always tells me to do and gather my thoughts from the beginning.

First off, I need to figure out what the shadow is. It might make sense if Satoru found out there was a security camera or something behind me. But what if it’s more insidious? What if he meant... Behind me, as in my neck? Maybe they implanted something there that reads my thoughts...

That thought began to consume me. I shivered, a little afraid. If they can read my thoughts, then why haven’t they stopped this? Is it because they know we can’t win? That resistance is futile? I sink into my bed, dejected. But, wait, Satoru and I could both think of that possibility- so why isn’t he worried? Hmm, then maybe it’s that someone else is reading my thoughts? Maybe another kid being experimented on? Mm... I guess that might make sense. But still, how does tricking myself do anything?

A crane comes into the room, so I have to end that train of thought. Escape will have to wait until I can survive another round of experiments. The crane’s long legs step forward to me, and the effects of the earlier medicine begin to mix with my fear. The feathers ruffle as it comes closer. The injection gun morphs into a beak, and I can’t help but cover my eyes and voicelessly scream as it comes closer. The world fades to black.

-

I wake up abruptly. At first, I think I’m still in the dark room of my mind, but as I look around I can see the metallic glint of the experiment room around me. Time is... Strange when I’m not here. I check my diary to see if I’ve been tracking the date, but it seems whatever personality has been active didn’t know about it. I stand up and shine the table a bit, taking a look at my face. Mostly the same- a big less energy, but not significantly aged. Good.

Next, I sit back in my bed and try to remember the events leading up to this. Mmm... Satoru was telling me something important, but... I didn’t have a chance to write it down. What was it...?

“Kagome, kagome...”

Mm? I get startled at the noise, but even more so when I realize it’s myself humming. Maybe I remember more than I thought. Right, we were discussing... Discussing... The jailbreak! I cover my mouth hastily- I almost said it aloud. The white-eye, and the shadow behind me. I hope the chick can still help us... It’s possible he’s already been caught by whoever is doing this to me. I think... One time a crane forgot to take the logo off the equipment it used to take my pulse, and it read something with an L... Mmm... I flip through my diary in hopes of finding a name, but none can be found. A problem for another time, though. Right now I need to focus on what to do right now.

Apparently, the recent tests have been too harsh for me to take. I need to take that into account- it means, at any moment, I might no longer be able to act. But, this might also be just what I need. I can’t fully believe a lie, but ‘I’ can- the other ‘I’s’ residing inside me can be tricked into believing a falsehood wholeheartedly. But, it’ll be risky. After-all, the experiments, my diary, this room, the turtles... They’re all pretty much undeniable evidence of my captivity.

So... I just need to spin a tale that explains them, right? Mm... But... What could even keep a kid in a place like this? Actually, what could a place like this even be, if not a research facility? Ugh... Okay. I just need to break up my problem into smaller parts.

First off, the hardest thing to explain: the authentication lock on the door. Even if this was a normal hospital, there’s no way that would exist.

Second, then cranes and turtles. Neither of them use, um... ‘normal’ instruments, so if another personality comes into contact with them, they’ll know something is wrong.

Third, other personalities- how do I give them info? I can’t even predict when they’ll surface, so how am I supposed to alert them?

And fourth, my diary. It has details of all the things I’ve experienced. If a personality is cognizant enough to be misled, it will certainly be able to read. So... It’s my biggest weakness. But, at the same time, that diary... Might as well be what keeps me, ‘me.’ It’s how I check the date and make sure my memories are sound. It’s how I remember Satoru, my awful parents, and the reason I’m here: a coin flip to decide which of the only available twins the scientists would keep. A simple coin flip...

Destroying that diary may as well be destroying myself. It should be a last resort, if all else fails. So, what are my other options? Well, I need to think of something similar to a test facility, but not quite. One where there might be tests that change how I think, where I might be confined. Me, a girl of not even 11 years... It’s kind of sickening to wonder if there’s another situation this might happen.

I start sorting through my mental bookshelf, thinking of stories with trapped protagonists. What landed them there? Actually, I don’t even need to go so far to books. I can just think about myself. Why am I here? The answer is simple. I’m here because of...

**> My Parents**

My parents may have brought me into this world, but they did it just to use me. The thought of their faces delighted as they found out they were pregnant, only because of our testing potential... It makes me sick. In the end, if they just disappeared, none of this would have happened.

Come to think of it, I think I read a novel like that once. It was a cautionary tale- a book written in criticism of the plea of insanity. The story follows a prosecutor who is forced to let a man go free, merely because of a plea deal. It’s not a very tasteful book, but it does give me an idea. After all, DID could certainly be considered insanity, and I don’t even need to fake that.

The pieces come into place. Of course I’m locked up- I could be dangerous. Maybe I... I did something horrible. Something absolutely unforgivable. I’m being tested to see if my plea of insanity holds up. The cranes and turtles aren’t here to hurt me, but naturally it might hurt to be tested. Maybe they need physical evidence, or... Something else. The details don’t matter. But, that could explain the lock and the instruments. I could easily add an entry to my diary about some horrible crime. But how do I make another personality read it? And... If I convince a personality that I committed a crime... What might they think of me?

Well, those can be solved later. Right now, I need a crime bad enough to get me, a minor, in this jail-like hospital. As a kid, I’m not capable of things on too big a scale, but... But...

The answer comes to me like divine revelation. Murder. Of course, that would be unforgivable enough to get me in this hell. And who? Well, there are only two people who deserve to be forgotten: my parents. My ‘mother’ and ‘father,’ if you can call them that, who raised me on tests and needles rather than smiles and lunches. I was supposed to be as different as I could be from their precious ‘control.’ That’s all we were to them- an experiment, and a control. I bet if the law hadn’t required it, they wouldn’t have given us names at all.

I shiver a little. My parents are awful, but... But, they are my parents. Is this... Okay? Even if it’s all an act... Do they deserve to die, really?

As if to interrupt that thought, the lights in my room come on. Morning, then. Food slips through the slot to the outside, and I go to grab it. I only have 33 minutes between eating and the first round of tests, so I need to make them count. I stare into my plate of rice aimlessly as I think.

Is it... Alright, even to pretend, to wish that my parents were dead? Not only dead, but murdered-by me? First off, if I’m trying to get another kid to help me or something, why would they want to help a murderer? Unless... It’s not another kid after-all. Maybe... Maybe, mmm... Something to grant my wishes? Then it really is a bad idea, in the end.

What kind of horrible child thinks of killing their parents... How could I have let myself be deluded for this long? Murder? This isn’t a distasteful novel, this is my life. And I’m just letting myself dream of killing my parents? Sure, they didn’t do me any favors, but... But, even if it was for horrible reasons, they had me. That wasn’t for nothing, right?

Mmm... But... But... But... Do I really owe them anything? I’ve called them mom and dad this whole time, deluding myself into thinking of them as parents. But, they’re not parents- just creators. Parents raise their children. It’s more accurate to call us bred and herded than raised. We’ve been treated like lab rats our entire life. If we’re not human to them, why would we be bound by human laws?

But... But... My eyes start to well up. I don’t want to do something that awful, don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt anyone, even... Even despite all that, I don’t want to do something so awful! Not willingly. But, but... Hey, Satoru? What else am I supposed to do? Too cowardly to save myself, and yet too in pain to let it slide. My face looked awful in my reflection. I don’t... Know how much longer I can last through this.

...

...

My rice gets soggy with tears. I can feel the bumps in the back of my neck throb. Another day here... Can I really take it? My fork melts into my rice, both absorbed in the sea of my vision.

If... If I can get out, maybe it’s okay. Then I can repent all I want! Just... As long as I can escape from here. If it wasn’t for my parents, I wouldn’t be forced to make this decision....

...even so, even so, I don’t want to be a murderer. I can’t...

...

I can’t. But, what if ‘I’ can? Those other personalities that control my body when I’m away. What if one of them could? What if there was a horrible monster lurking inside me... One that didn’t care- or maybe didn’t know- about human laws? One that only felt pain... One that suffered... And wanted to end that suffering.

Only 11 minutes left. I grab my journal and the makeshift pen I fashioned out of an IV drip. I scribble a note to myself as quickly as I can.

“I’m afraid... But what I’m most afraid of is myself. I killed mom and dad, and I’m scared that I’ll kill you, too. Somewhere inside me, there is a murderous monster.”

I write down those notes on the last page, then think: how do I make myself read it? If I leave myself a note, it’s at risk of being found.

I can hear the first lock being opened. I need to think fast. This might be my only chance in weeks or months. I’ll... I’ll just have to write something on my arm. Something to get me curious about stuff. And, knowing myself, I’ll have to look under my pillow. I take out the pen and write a simple phrase,

WHERE IS SELF?

I’m sorry, Satoru. It’s no longer just my hair that’s black- the bird in the cage is a crow now, coated in a red concealed by its black sheen. But hopefully- just maybe- this bird can escape this cage for another...

SAYAKA PLAN: EXECUTION END

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my bad end! This leads pretty much directly into the game. I was originally going to write a good end, but then I never finished it and my brain was like HEHE CANON, but I figured uhhh... Might as well post anyway. The Remember11 category lives! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed my take on best twin sister though, she's really all I think about... I mean, she's my icon so, lol...


End file.
